Last night was a definitive point in the months of confusion that followed my decision to return to Singapore. Although I had removed myself emotionally (more or less) from the picture, I still felt bound to explore the options that were offered to me despite the nagging feeling that they were not conclusive and would go nowhere.

It probably sounds silly, but for me, working for a company is like being in a relationship with another person. It is not just an arrangement for one to contribute in return for a paycheck. I invest time, energy and emotions that somehow results in double-edged ties.

The path travelled in the past couple of months was not an ideal one but one learns. I am closing a chapter in my life that I should have been more firm about instead of dragging it on for another month because I didn't want to be an unappreciative brat, yet ironically ends up coming across as unappreciative. But maybe that's another lesson that I need to learn -- the balance between heart and mind.

Although I am very glad with the outcome, my heart is heavy. After all, it's been 7 years. And now, to clean up the mess and say "goodbye".

Yippeee! Just managed to get good seats for the new Dim Sum Dollies production in July.

No matter the convenience of online booking, a phone call still works better in getting the seats you want since the computer is still not quite capable of figuring out that corner seats 5 rows more upfront are NOT better than seats right smack in the center just 5 rows further away.

In the latest demonstration of her newly minted ah soh (auntie or housewife-like) status that started just before her marriage, my sister returned a pack of cherry tomatoes to the shelves in Cold Storage after looking at the price tag last weekend.

"30 cents more expensive than NTUC." she proclaimed.

"Huh? Just get it lah. There is no NTUC here, it's only 30 cents more!" I said in mock shock while poking her.

And she finally did, after more nagging on my end.

This is something that she has been joking about since the beginning of the year when she started preparing for her wedding and home -- her becoming so auntie that she would buy 2 cans of a particular brand of abalone for a free cooker or pot.

And I am very amused. I don't know if this is a natural extension of her more prudent character -- the exact opposite of my no "money sense" -- or something that just comes naturally to every woman who has to set up home... family... I wonder.

Labels: hmmm

SUCCESS!

Hahahahaha.

Hehehehehe.

Giggles.

Sorry, but that's the only thing on my mind these days. Went for the LASIK op early Friday morning, all ready with just a little shiver of anxiety. Prayed so hard. Tried to be really calm and follow the doc's instructions as he laid the pressure equipment over my eye and then did the intralase incision, and then the wavefront zapping and then put the layer back over my eye.

Very amazing! Remember being very freaked out when my ex-boss wife described the surgery to me a few years ago but it was really not that bad. I smelt the scorching but it was very mild and very quickly over. And although I can see some of the going ons (squirting of some liquid, soothing of some parts of my eye) over my eye, I didn't even feel a thing apart from when they clamped the pressure thing over my eyes.

No major pain after surgery too. Mostly some tearing (liquid tears, not split something tear) and feeling of pressure on the eyes, and strangely the inside of my nose felt really parched, but none of the scratchy, sand in the eyes sensation that some others experienced. My greatest pain was not being able to open my eyes, most probably due to the gentle sleeping pill taken before surgery. Once home, it was sweet slumber till afternoon. And I was happy to discover that I had no glare, double vision, halo issues after I woke up.

Post-op check up this morning was good too. Close to 6/6 now, one day after surgery. Medical staff say this is very positive, as the eyesight will improve over the healing process. I'm happy and loving the doc now! And very, very thankful that my prayers were answered. And of course, credit to Kris for the wonderful recommendation!

Only downside, I am not supposed to wash my face since I cannot risk water or soap getting into my eyes. I can only wash my cheeks, and somehow try to wash my forehead while keeping my eyes away from water. Permission given today to wash eye area gently with water only -- hmmm, now, that is a huge challenge.

Labels: lasik

I think China has left a deep mark on me. In that, books are so much more precious to me now.

I could always go to the Bookworm Club at Sanlitun in the east of Beijing for English book rentals, which I did until I got lazy because it was such a distance from Haidian in the north-west. But that was it. English selections in most book stores are non-existent or pathetic. Yes, pathetic even at Wang Fu Jing bookstore or Haidian book city.

And now, I realize that being unable to browse and buy on a whim must have left a deeper mark than I thought because I now find myself on a book hoarding mission, and reading them very slowly. Sometimes, even putting off reading them so that I will always have something to read.

Books etc resting messily on the mostly un-used dining table

My move home is complete.

My boxes arrived yesterday and it was a little bit of madness as I tried desperately to figure out where to put all my barang and threw away yet more clothes, much to the chagrin of my mum. But it was the winter wear that got to me. As I put away my pretty house socks, gloves, hats, sweaters and whatnot -- some worn just once or not at all -- I knew that they would be old and musty when I next open the box to get them. I don't know if I felt a little tugging at the heart because of the items themselves or because this is a sign I'm rooting myself to Singapore.

But. It. Is. Over.

Last night, I called M1 and reverted to a regular calling plan instead of my minimal retain number plan for my mobile line. I also renewed my broadband internet subscription. All steps in reclaiming my life back home.

It was not an easy decision. I started off really sure that I wanted to come home to be among friends and family. And then along the way, I was distracted by potential working opportunities overseas that threw my goal aside and caused such dilemma. But now, it's good and I am staying home. And it is very settling because I can now move on in planning my goals.

But first, more packing of books, bags, shoes and miscellaneous to corners of the house before buying new furniture and cleaning out my room for them.

Sorry, but that's my main take-away from watching this run of The Phantom of the Opera in Singapore last Friday.



She wasn't very fat but she was very, very voluptuous, and that is a problem because Christine is supposed to be a young girl, on the cusp of discovering her voice, her love, her life. That aside, her singing was terrible too. I kept thinking that she should be Carlotta, the prima donna who cannot sing or act, instead.

When she sang "Think of Me", I almost fainted. Her gestures, her voice. Goodness, she sounded more dramatic, more over-the-top than Carlotta. I couldn't tell what she was singing half the time during the entire musical, cos she has a tendency to sing like it was an opera, go "ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh" with lots of vibrato. She enunciated only with the lower notes. Her voice was good, but not her singing. She was definitely a failure as Christine.

And Carlotta, hmmm, nowhere nearly as prima donna like as Minnie Driver in the movie verson. She came across as more prim, trying hard to be drama mama. And maybe I sat further away at the New York Broadway production last year but that Carlotta was also definitely more dramatic than this, and Christine, well, more Christine-like.

The Phantom, played by Brad Little, was not bad. I was mostly amused that they were selling his personal CD at the Esplanade shop, because that was what they did in New York too, selling the Phantom actor-singer's personal CD which I bought without a second thought then 'cos I loved his performance so much. And Howard McGillin is the better Phantom, between the two. Not that Brad Little was bad, I just prefer the Howard McGillin portrayal which absolutely wringed my heart. Of the Phantom who played at Kallang Theatre 10 years or so ago? Absolutely no recollection.

Labels: musicals

I am so happy! I walked in to the eye clinic today and I was just overcome with this feeling of certainty. I knew I wanted to do this, and all those nagging fears I was having last week were just not there. Yay.

And that cheerful certainty was buoyed by the results of my check, which was really only 2 hours including almost an hour of waiting for my pupils to dilate. My cornea is thick. Yay! Very high percentage of success. Yay! Doc has never had a single case of infection and has very high success rate in the industry. Triple yay! And I am opting for the new intralase, more expensive but much more accurate and safer, so hopefully everything goes well.

It was quite funny too because I got my first taste of long-sightedness today. After dripping some drops to dilate my pupils, the medical staff told me to go take a walk, have a drink or whatever and come back in 30 to 40 minutes for the second round. She warned me that my vision would be slightly blurred but haha, I didn't realize that what she meant was, I wouldn't be able to see clearly close-up.

I bought 2 magazines, thinking that I'd pass my time having a cuppacino and reading the magazines, only to realize that I couldn't read. It was really comic. I could see everything big close up, like the big fat letters "Now", "Talking Point", "Subscribe today..." but the text of the article, no way. I knew they were words, I could tell they were words but the letters just refused to come together in a clear manner that would allow me to read them. Interesting.



Anyway, got a date set for my surgery. I'm so excited at the thought of finally being able to wake up to clear vision. :)

Labels: lasik

Know him? Remember him?

I tried so hard to recall his name every time the trailer for xXx came on Channel 5. And no, as I turned on the TV just now to the last bits of xXx, I still could not recall his name to save my life.

He was really quite hot, touted as an upcoming action hero back when the movie was screened. And I remember because I watched the movie with Pris and Sher a few years ago when we were in the mood for a no-brain-all-brawn fight fight explode explode movie. For that purpose, it was entertaining.

And then, silence.

Haven't heard or seen much of him on screen, in the tabloids, magazines since.

Oh, btw, his name is Vin Diesel. Remember now? ;)

Labels: hmmm

I am the only one in my family with this problem. All living under the same roof, yet I am the only one whom the mosquitoes are attracted to. Apart from a few random bites here and there, I have 4 huge bites on my left leg that seem to be their favourite feeding ground; I think they have bitten the same spots more than once!

Very strange. This started only four or five days ago. Perfectly fine before that. No bites, like everyone else. I wonder why.

Anyway, my mum made me take a Vit B pill just now because she read in some magazines that taking Vit B helps the mosquitoes to stay away. Curious, I went online to do some research and the findings don't help. Some say studies prove not, others say it seem to work for them... Well, I guess I'll be one more voice contributing to whether it works or not. We'll see!

Phew! Okie. I've taken the first step. I've called the clinic and made an appointment for an eye examination next Monday.

And now, my heart is going pitter patter over the potential side effects.

It is a big step. Everyone who has done it (LASIK, if you still haven't caught on) raved about how wonderful it is to wake up and be able to see clearly instead of having to reach for the glasses. The joy, the convenience. Yet, on the other hand, no one knows how it will affect us in our later years since this medical wonder has not been around that long, so maybe a lifetime of contact lenses and spectacles -- though inconvenient -- is not that bad. Plus, no surgery is ever risk free.

But. I wish to live without the inconvenience and potential damage with my long periods of contact lense wearing.

My precious myopic eyes. I hope I am taking us in the right direction.

*shudder*

Labels: lasik